If you want the furries who attend your meetups to follow your standards, don’t tell them what they should or should not be doing.  Don’t talk about your rules.  You’re just inviting someone to accept your challenge to violate your rules.  Instead of making “rules” and then trying to put out all the fires, just trick them into having fun and enjoying each other’s company.  You’ll be happier with the result, and so will they.

Here is an example of what I am talking about.  How many times have you heard it spoken, “The furry community is about acceptance.  It doesn’t matter who you are.  The furry community doesn’t care about that.  If you want to be a furry, you are welcome to join our community.”  Virtually everyone in our community will agree with this statement.  Even those so-called furries who constantly violate this principle will agree with every word.  So why is it that even those who don’t really believe in this ideal will say they agree with this statement?

Firstly, there is Social Proof.  Social Proof is the force that causes you to assimilate the behaviors of the people around you.  You will do this, even when you do not intend to.  Imagine you are walking down the street by yourself.  Suddenly, a large group of people go running by you.  They aren’t wearing numbers and they aren’t dressed for exercise.  What would you do?  You would assume that the group knows something that you don’t.  You will look for some immediate danger, but lacking any more information than what you have, you will very likely start to run with the group.  You don’t know them.  You don’t even care who they are.  But you will follow the group, because it is our nature to assume that a group of people are more informed than you are by yourself.  Social Proof, like Peer Pressure, is also a tool.  It can be used as positive reinforcement.  A group of health-conscious people will have their own form of group think.  You join that group because you want that to rub off on you!  You can also use Social Proof as “proof” that a certain value is the best value, because “everybody” says it is.  Advertisers and politicians use this all the time.  Every time you hear a politician say, “Everybody knows <insert political bullshit>”, remember the term Social Proof.

Secondly, there is Peer Pressure.  You know very well how Peer Pressure works.  Peer Pressure is the great evil that has been blamed for everything teenagers do wrong.  Teenagers who smoke are typically found to have friends who smoke.  The same is true for drinking, underage sex, swearing, etc., etc., etc.  But no one seems to really focus on the benefits of Peer Pressure.  Peer Pressure can keep you from overeating, because all your friends are healthy and like physical activity.  Peer pressure can actually keep you from drinking, because your friends practice sobriety.  Peer Pressure can also improve your grades, because your friends are motivated to pursue strong careers.  Peer Pressure is all about the desire to fit in with the crowd.  That is the real force behind Peer Pressure.  Your desire to be a part of a particular group is the fuel that gives Peer Pressure its power.  It is usually spoken of as a negative, but that is only because people choose to focus on the negative.  Peer Pressure is a tool.  You can use it to do great things.  You can even use it to improve yourself.  Do you want to become more active, healthy, and physically fit?  Go make skinny friends!

Everyone in our community says the same thing.  Even the ones who don’t believe it will say it.  Why?  Because they have correctly assumed that the entire community agrees that “everyone is free to belong” is the accepted standard of the group.  This is a good thing!  But it is not good enough.  It is not good enough to simply allow the “tide” to achieve an ends.  If you want a free society – such as ours – to have standards that cannot be broken, then you will need to harness the powers of Social Proof and Peer Pressure.  In a centralized government, one person can enforce standards with an iron fist.  In a decentralized, free community, the standards can only be enforced by the group.  But you – the conscious furry – have the power to direct the group.  This is the difference between being an organizer, and being a leader.

The vast majority of furries don’t need reinforcement.  They already get it.  YOU get it!  But that super minority is super annoying and super effective.  They are beginning to cause real issues with real consequences.  YOU can help stop that behavior.  YOU can prevent others from signing on.

How do you actually use Social Proof and Peer Pressure?  Remember that the order of these powers is important.  You can have a direct effect on Social Proof and harness its power.  Social Proof will in turn have a direct effect on Peer Pressure.  When everyone in the group believes the message put forth by Social Proof, they will then enforce that message through Peer Pressure.  Are you getting this?

The next time you organize a meetup, try something new.  Don’t do what all fur meets do.  Do not wait until the meet is over to have your group photo.  Do it first!  What are you telling the group by doing your group photo first?  You are encouraging the group to perform a cooperative action with the rest of the group.  To show you just how quickly Social Proof can affect Peer Pressure, watch what happens when someone in the group photo isn’t cooperating.  Everyone starts giving them the stink eye.  Very soon after that, they will start grunting and complaining and telling that person to hurry up and get in line.  Then what happens?  The wayward fur cooperates!  You have now set the tone for the rest of your meet.  You intentionally put your entire group into a position that you knew would have a very specific psychological effect.  You used the tool of Social Proof.  As a result, Social Proof then generated an environment chock full of Peer Pressure.  You have just reinforced the “rules” without saying a single word about “rules”.  This is how you – the conscious fur – run your fur meet.  I tell you the truth, the rest of your meet will run more smoothly with this experience fresh in the minds of your attendees.  There will be a psychological residue that will last the rest of the evening.  It doesn’t take much to direct the attitudes and behaviors of groups when you know how to use Social Proof.

One of the most successful fur meets in Colorado is Arvada Tails.  It has been running for some time now and it has always drawn big numbers.  They are also a very mixed group with no bans on any particular person or groups.  Regardless of this mixed association of groups and ideologies, they have never had any issues between parties.  They also do their group photo first.  It is the first stop before their longest walk.  They also have mini shoots at the start point of their meet.  This means they have already instilled a behavior of cooperation and comradery by the time they perform their first full group photo.  At the end of the meet, they do another group photo, just for good measure.  I’m not going to tell you that this is their only reason for success.  That would ignore the excellent attitudes of the organizers, which does have a huge positive effect on the group.  However, I find it to be more than mere coincidence that this meet has had amazing success – regardless of who participates – even in today’s climate.

You can also help DenFur to improve by employing the same tactic.  You don’t need to be in charge or even a staff member to help improve DenFur’s chances of success.  If you arrive early, on the first day of the convention, you can use that time to achieve an easy win for the entire community.  Go out with your camera and encourage suiters (and include some non-suiters) to do group photos for your camera.  Do selfies too.  Get as many people involved as possible.  Get everyone used to the idea of cooperating and being engaged.  Even those who don’t get in your photos will see what is happening and get the same message.  They will learn that DenFur is a place of comradery and cooperation.  The more furs who are engaged in this activity the better the results will be for everyone.

Keep this tactic in mind.  It is easy and effective.  And do you want to know something really wild?  The next time you notice that someone has decided to do their group photo first, you will remember this post.  You may even say to yourself, “I know they are only doing this to ‘trick’ us into playing nice for the rest of the meet.”  You will know exactly what the organizer is up to – and it will still work.  Your knowledge of the act and its purpose will have very little effect on your compliance.  I’m sorry, fur.  But you’re only human after all.

-Sisyphus

I have some bad news for you.  You are not the rational human being you think you are.

As human beings, we like to think that we are rational 90% of the time and irrational the other 10%.  This might be true when the decision has absolutely no emotional value.  Taking out the garbage may not trigger an irrational response.  So you were probably very rational in your decision to do that.  However, if the decision has any emotional attachment, then you made that decision irrationally.  You then rationalized it after the fact.  Don’t be mad because I told you that.  Try to consider what I’m saying to you.  Remember, the idea of this post is to help you, not to insult you.  I am also not laying this mess at your feet alone.  I am just as vulnerable to this behavior as you are.

There is a psychological phenomenon known as Cognitive Dissonance.  You hear “I’m smarter than God” trolls use this term all the time.  After reading this post, you will also see them doing it all the time.  It will actually make you laugh at how stupid they look.

Cognitive Dissonance is when you are faced with new information that is in direct conflict with some existing belief.  Rather than acknowledge this new information, you imagine that you are seeing something that isn’t really there.  Your mind will spontaneously generate a hallucination.  You can’t see it, but others can.  You will be able to spot this behavior very easily once I point it out to you.  I can’t guarantee it, but you may be able to spot this behavior in yourself.  But it will likely be in hindsight only.  Sorry, bro.

Just to be clear, you and I are subject to this behavior as much as anyone else.  Knowing this may help you to overcome it, but you will never completely eradicate it from your mind.  It is part of how your mind functions.  But being able to spot this behavior in others can be immensely helpful.

The formula for spotting this behavior is simple.  It always comes in two parts.  The first part will be some form of a dismissal or an insult.  For example, when you see words like “So”, or “Oh!”, or “Let me get this straight”, that’s a dismissal.  Insults are self-evident.

The second part is either an overly aggressive response, or a mischaracterization of your original remark.  An overly aggressive response means that you feel like their response is far greater than what would normally be expected for the situation.  For example, you might suggest moving a fur meet to a different venue to avoid some logistical issue and their response is something like “So you just think you can dictate anything you want!  Maybe I should just beat the shit out of you!”  Oh!  You’ve seen this before?  Yeah.  That was Cognitive Dissonance.  A mischaracterization of your statement means they have completely misrepresented what you have said.  You’ll recognize this one too.  Imagine you have just presented a very reasonable argument against banning a specific person from your fur meet.  The response you receive then goes something like “Oh!  So let me get this straight.  You want to put children in the hands of pedophiles?  Well, remind me to never have anything to do with any of your meets!”  Oh!  You’ve seen this one too?  Yeah.  That was Cognitive Dissonance.

Here is that basic formula:
[dismissal/insult] + [overly aggressive response/mischaracterization]

Have you ever said to yourself “How the fuck did they get that from what I just said?”  That’s because they have spontaneously hallucinated something that isn’t there.  You were right!  You never said that, but their minds cannot accept that you have presented them with information that does not coincide with their existing belief.

Right about now, you are probably freaking out, because you have seen this more times than you can count.  You probably just finished reading 15 twitter posts that sounded exactly like this.  And now you know why.  This may cause you to have a moment of despair.  Are we so hopeless?  Well, maybe.  But the good news here is that you can use this knowledge to your benefit.  For starters, you can stop being so depressed about every bad encounter you have on the internet.  Those completely retarded responses you get after making perfectly reasonable remarks will make sense.  You now know that you actually had nothing to do with that.  It is a complete fabrication within the mind of the one who is opposing you.  You can’t do much about that.  So don’t let it stress you out so much!  And you can stop trying to correct them, because now you know that no matter how well you construct your rebuttal, they will just spontaneously hallucinate a new version of whatever argument you present.  You cannot have a rational conversation with that person.  Do not try.

The other bit of good news here is that this behavior will tell you that you have just won your argument.  They cannot see it, but many who read their remarks will be able to see that their response makes no sense.  Most people know when something doesn’t make any sense.  It is also true that if your opponent had any rational argument, they would have used that first.  People will always use their rational arguments first.  After that, they will default to insults and intimidation fueled by Cognitive Dissonance.

The other reason that you should not waste any time trying to overcome their mischaracterizations or irrational responses is Confirmation Bias.  Confirmation Bias is a psychological phenomenon where we see every new piece of information as being evidence that our existing belief is absolutely correct.  Two people with opposing views can observe the same piece of information and say “Hah!  See!  I told you so!”  Have you ever wondered how some people can see perfect examples of some ideological bad behavior in everything that a certain person says or does?  That’s Confirmation Bias.  Everything that person says is proof positive that they are a “Nazi” or an “SJW”.  You will know when you are seeing Confirmation Bias.  Think about the next time you hear someone say “Hah!  See that?  Only a <insert favorite label> would say that!” and it makes you scratch your head, because it just sounds crazy.  You will know that this person is currently hallucinating and everything they see is “confirmation” that they are right.

Does this sound familiar to you?  I figured as much.  You just made a great statement about topic x, y, or z, and the response was absolute lunacy.  You then reframed your statement and made it even better than it started and they still responded with something that was completely stupid.  Every statement you make will be regarded with the same insults, mischaracterizations, and threats.  They are trapped in their hallucination that says you are a <whatever fucking label they’ve given you>.

Fortunately, other readers – or listeners – who are not trapped in that hallucination will be able to recognize just how crazy those responses are.  They too will wonder how someone can come to those conclusions.  This is good for you.  If you presented your argument well, that will carry more water than the nonsense that follows.  Let the observers see how crazy your opponents are.  That will only help you.  And now you know that there is no value in submitting a new rebuttal.  Just let it go.

The only thing better than a troll, is a knucklehead with a big following.  Make your statement, and let them go off the rails.  You goal at this point is to maintain your focus.  Stay on topic.  Don’t go down the rabbit hole with them.  Keep bringing the conversation back to your original point.  Repetition is persuasion, so don’t be afraid to repeat your point.  Anyone who reads that thread or listens to that argument will see you making the same point while your opponent gets lost in crazy town.  Stay on your topic!  You can’t control their irrational behavior, but you can stay on your topic.

Don’t be afraid to have fun!  You have probably already guessed that staying on your point – while your opponent is all over the map – will make them angry.  This should not concern you.  Your fun truly begins when your opponent becomes visibly frustrated.  Now is the perfect time to interject humor.  Memes are the most common way of doing this.  Memes are perfectly acceptable in this case, especially if they are on your topic.

Humor is also a great weapon.  Humor can defuse aggressive remarks.  Self-deprecating humor can defuse insults.  Self-deprecating humor can be particularly effective if you already know what your opponent will say.  You can defuse their insults even before they happen.  If you know what your opponent will insult you with, do it before they do!

Don’t be worried if they are threatening you with physical violence.  Remember, that trolls are pussies.  Using tough talk online is not the same as talking trash to your face.  Even if they are local to you, the overwhelming majority will never make good on their threats.  And if they do, don’t worry.  That’s what REAL friends are for!  Seriously, if they ever actually try to make good on a threat, call me.  We’ll kick his ass together!

-Sisyphus

Before you read this blog, watch this video.

Your political perspective is irrelevant.  There are no rules within the fandom regarding where you should or should not go, depending on your politics, religion, or any other label.  You are free to move about the fandom as you wish.

If this is how you feel, then you are certainly not alone.  The overwhelming majority of furs in this community are just like you.  You know that it is very likely that your personal politics are going to be different from others.  You also know that it is wrong to target other furs for their politics.  It is divisive behavior.  It is contrary to what we stand for.  We are not a political organization.  We don’t have any pre-approved political ideology.  You know that the whole point of being a furry is that we can be whatever we want to be.  We do not have to conform to any standard.  Furries have their own point of view and we don’t need anyone to tell us what we can or cannot believe.  You know how important these values are.

The latest fad today is to find furries who have “wrong” politics and expose them.  Some are even going so far as to dox anyone who doesn’t hold their beliefs.  You know that is wrong.

The solution to this problem is actually very simple.  Do not support anyone who does this!  You know that it is wrong to intimidate others.  You came to this community to escape that behavior.  You came to this community to avoid bullies and anyone who can’t accept the fact that you are different.  The idea that members of this community would use intimidation against other furries is disgusting.  Whatever political ideology you may hold to, you know it isn’t acceptable to bully and intimidate other furries who have different views.

When you see someone write posts or an article to “expose” other furries for their political beliefs, it is up to you to say something.  Tell them they shouldn’t be trying to force other furries out of the community for their political beliefs.  Tell them it is wrong.  You don’t need to go into a deep debate with them over it.  Don’t put yourself there.  I wouldn’t want you to go through that.  You know how that shit ends.  It’s the same way every time.  Even when you have a good point, they will only insult you, and then turn that intimidation against you.  So don’t waste your time on that.  Your message is for them, but also for anyone who sees your message.  You are telling others that you agree with them.  You are telling others that you are one of those furries that knows it is wrong to bully and intimidate other furries just for their political beliefs.  You’ve said enough.

If you see other furries trying to start political fights at fur meets and conventions, be the one who steps up and tells them that this isn’t the place.  We use Twitter and Facebook for our political garbage dump.  My Twitter feed is full of that shit.  My politics are garbage.  But I’m just like you.  I want to say what I think sometimes.  I want to express my opinion.  It is part of the benefit of living in a free country.  I get to say what I want, no matter how stupid it is.  But I choose not to discuss politics at fur meets and fur cons because I know it is divisive.  We aren’t there for that.  Fur meets and fur cons are for meeting other furries who are different from ourselves.  We WANT that to happen!  It makes the experience that much better.  We aren’t looking for an ideological echo chamber.  We want to bond with other furries even if they don’t think the way we do.  So don’t talk about politics at fur meets and fur cons.

Politics in the fandom should be treated no differently than fetishes in the fandom.  Keep that shit private or on social media trash sites like Twitter and Facebook.

You can make the difference by following that rule for yourself.  Even if that is the only thing you feel you can do, it is still doing a lot!  But if you can muster the courage to express that to other furs, you’ll be doing even more.  Keep politics out of fur meets and fur cons.  And don’t accept that anyone should be bullied or intimidated for their personal politics.  No one is happier seeing politics taking a bigger role in the fandom!  No one!

-Sisyphus

DenFur is the convention that will replace RMFC.

And now you are already skeptical.  You remember what happened to RMFC.  You know that the forces that drove that con into extinction are still here.  Starting a new con isn’t going to wipe away the past.  The monsters of yesteryear are still with us today.

Outside intervention is one reason RMFC failed.  Negative reports were given to the venue in an attempt to defame certain attendees.  This contributed to the hotel’s decision to require increased security at a significant increase in cost to the board.  Since then, this tactic has also been used against other conventions and meets.  It is a strategy that is easy to carry out with little or no risk to the cowards who use it.  This method is tried and true and you WILL see it again!

I can only see one way of preventing this from happening to DenFur.  DenFur must build a strong relationship with the new venue.  As human beings we tend to be loyal to those we know.  If the hotel staff knows DenFur staff and our community very well, they will stand behind us when a stranger attempts to defame the event.  This also assumes that the hotel sees DenFur staff and the furry community in a positive light.

As a community, you can help to persuade the hotel staff in a positive way.  You can do this by using two persuasion principles known as reciprocity and liking.  Giving a gift affects the mind in two ways.  First, it makes that person like you.  It should come as no surprise to you that giving a gift to someone can cause them to like you more than they did before you gave them that gift.  Think back to the last time you received a gift from someone.  Didn’t it make you like them?  Didn’t it make you want to give them a gift in return?  This brings me to the second effect.  Giving a gift causes the recipient to what to give you a gift in return.  Think about Christmas.  Just the expectation that you will receive a gift from someone in particular makes you want to go out and buy them a gift.  Isn’t that weird?  You are being persuaded to participate in the act of building a relationship even before it happens!  It is also very important to know that not all gifts are tangible.  A gift can be given in the form of a verbal remark.  Randomly approaching a stranger and telling them you are happy to see them is one form of giving a gift.  Think back to the last time you received a gift like that.  Did it make you like them even though you had never met them before?  Didn’t it make you want to say something nice in return?

Giving a gift has the greatest effect when it is unexpected and meaningful.  That means that if you want to be extra persuasive, you should give a gift that means something specific to the person you are giving it to.  That gift should also be unexpected.  A random gift that means something special to the person you gave it to will have a greater impact.  Now you know why you should show up to your date’s house with a bouquet of flowers (Make sure you know their favorite flower!).

You have absolutely no control over whether or not some cowardly fool chooses to call the hotel staff to make negative statements about DenFur or our community.  However, you DO have complete control over your own statements and actions.  What if we as a community formed our own coalition in favor of DenFur?  The very same tactic that has been used many times to defame furries and their conventions can also be used to build a relationship with our venue.  Imagine placing a call, sending an email, or arriving in person to our hotel.  Give them your name – your real name, fur – and contact information.  Tell them you are happy to be holding your event with such a great venue!  Imagine how unexpected and meaningful that would be for them to receive such a positive remark from you.

You are probably wondering why I am telling you to give them your name and contact information.  It is important to make yourself known.  Even if others call to leave negative comments, those comments will be anonymous.  Have you ever received negative remarks from some anonymous source?  Did that mean a lot to you?  Have you ever received positive remarks from someone who is willing to face you?  Whose remarks were more impactful?  I am certain that the positive remarks left by the person you know were far more meaningful to you than the negative remarks left anonymously.  You will help build a strong relationship with the hotel staff, one personal and positive remark at a time.

This convention WILL replace RMFC.  It WILL succeed, and there is nothing anyone can do about it as long as you remember that this is YOUR con!  YOU are in control of its success!  It is YOUR job, so don’t wait for someone else to do it.

Hotel contact information
email:    denau@atriumhospitality.com
Phone:  303-371-9494

-Sisyphus