You have celebrated this community’s history of inclusion and tolerance many times.  You have experienced the benefits of these principles yourself.  You know how valuable they are.  You know how indispensable they are.  Do you really want to see them go away?  Should we treat these pillars of our community with contempt after they have done so much for us?  Do you really want to know what our community would be like without these principles?

It is no secret that there is this new concept of meet organizing that excludes some members of our community based on personal biases.  Those biases are largely political, but some of them are purely social.  Whatever the purpose for the discrimination, I have done everything I can to avoid this “new wave” of organizing.

Not everyone is happy about that, but I can tell you that I am very happy with the results.  My meetups tend to be far more relaxed, social, and inviting, than those meetups where these “new” ideas have been implemented.  In fact, I tend to avoid those meets like the plague.  And, to be honest, even if I did go, I probably would not be welcome.  I do not fit in within their definition of “inclusion” and “tolerance”.

The True Meaning Behind Those Words

Let me clearly define the words we are using.  Inclusion means:  Everyone is welcome, regardless of race, religion, politics, or gender.  Tolerance means:  When you meet or hear of someone’s race, religion, politics, or gender, and it bothers you, you suck it up.  It is your responsibility to discipline your emotions against that individual for whatever reason you find them appalling.  You deal with it.  Rub some dirt on it.  Walk it off.

Inclusion and tolerance are always together, because you cannot have one without the other.  Inclusion cannot happen unless you are also willing to be tolerant of those who are different than you, and tolerance is meaningless unless you are willing to include those who are different than you.

External Force vs. Internal Strength

Enforcing inclusion and tolerance is NOT the job of the meet organizer.  It is NOT the job of the website admins.  It is NOT the job of the social media platform managers.  It is NOT the job of the police.  It is NOT the job of the politicians.  YOU, and only YOU, are responsible for adhering to the principles of inclusion and tolerance.  It can only be applied effectively through self-discipline, or it is not applied at all.  If you are fighting to enforce inclusion and tolerance through the powers of the gatekeepers, you are doing it wrong.  In fact, you are generating the opposite effect of inclusion and tolerance by promoting a method of enforcement that will only create an environment of exclusion and intolerance.

Rules that are created and enforced by centralized powers will inevitably result in bias and discrimination.

It is completely ineffective to use your leadership as a method for applying the principles of inclusion and tolerance to any group or meet.  You will only succeed in applying the personal biases of the leadership by using this method.  If you want the maximum amount of inclusion and tolerance for your group or meetup, you must apply those principles to yourself and by yourself.  Every individual within the group must BE inclusive and tolerant for those principles to take effect.  Otherwise, it does not exist and no amount of external enforcement will make any difference.  In fact, policing these principles by external force will only make them LESS effective.  If you truly want the maximum amount of inclusion and tolerance for your group or meet, you must allow the individuals within your group or meet to exercise those principles on their own, to the best of their ability.

The principles of inclusion and tolerance are applied internally, not externally.  It is not an expectation of others, but an expectation of yourself.  You do not require inclusion and tolerance of the community, you require inclusion and tolerance of yourself.  If you are not doing it, then it is not being done.  You are the source of these principles.  It is your responsibility to adhere to them.  These principles only work if you are the one who is exercising them.

The Power And Consequences Of Leadership

As the leader of your group, you can generate these principles in others by being the best example of these principles.  Leadership has unique social qualities.  Group leaders have special powers that other members of the group do not possess.  These powers are automatically bestowed upon you by your position as the leader of your group.  You obtain them through magic by speaking the incantation, “Hey guys, let’s meet up tomorrow!”  Using these powers, you can make profound changes in the behaviors of your members by “being” that which you wish to see more of.  If the members of your group are having trouble with inclusion and tolerance, that means you are the source of the problem.  This can hurt, but there is good news.  If you really want to see more inclusion and tolerance in your group, all you need to do is work on yourself.  You do not need to find ways to force others to become more inclusive or tolerant.  That would be impossible.  However, changing your own behavior is VERY possible!  If you are the leader of a group or meet, and you want to see more inclusion and tolerance in your group, be more inclusive and tolerant.

Groups of individuals are a reflection of the leadership.  This should not be confused with individual anomalies.  If one person is doing something that is clearly different than the rest of the group, that is not a reflection of the leadership.  Individuals are still individuals.  What I am talking about here is the behaviors and values of the group as a whole.  In a leadership position, you can evaluate yourself by observing your group’s values.  If the group is exclusive and intolerant, you can know that you are having a problem with those principles.  Therefore, if you have declared that you have found it necessary to enforce new rules that are meant to improve the inclusiveness and tolerance of the group, that is a declaration of your own weaknesses.  You have just announced to the group that you are the one who is not inclusive or tolerant enough.  Rather than improve your own actions, you have decided to force others to do the work for you.

Self-Discipline Is The Key

Our community can only function on self-discipline and personal responsibility.  Self-discipline and personal responsibility are the only methods by which our community can effectively apply the principles of inclusion and tolerance.  This begins with the leader and ends with any given individual within the group or meet.

Before you get on social media and accuse someone else of not adhering to the principles of inclusion and tolerance, you must ask yourself, “Am I practicing these principles in my own life?  If I were to step outside of myself and observe my own actions, would I be able to accuse that person of not being a good example of what it means to be inclusive and tolerant?”  You should also be asking yourself, “What is the one thing that I find the most difficult to include and tolerate?”  You should challenge yourself.  You should test yourself.  Then meet the challenge.  Apply what you discover about your own bias and do what you can to improve on that weakness.  If you are not doing it, then it is not being done.

The responsibility to be inclusive and tolerant of others is on you and you alone!

~Sisyphus