Most, if not all, of the social groups you belong to exhibit cult-like behaviors.

This does not mean you are in a cult.  Here are some of the most important characteristics of a cult.  However, if you find ALL of these characteristics in your current social network, then you need to seriously consider abandoning that network.  Now!

AUTHORITARIAN:  Cults are authoritarian.  As a member of the group, you will be required to adhere to standards, language, and outward expressions of the group’s design.  You are also forbidden – or very sternly warned –  from keeping certain company.  The company you keep will be monitored by the group and approved or discouraged.  This is largely achieved by separating you from them.  This can be done by physically separating you from the rest of the world, but this is not the only way to separate you from them.  Their language and interactions with you have been designed with this goal in mind.

LOVE BOMB:  Upon initially entering the group, you are showered with love and affection.  They instantly accept you!  It is practically unlimited affection.  This generates a dependency on the group’s acceptance which can be removed later as a method of punishment and control.  Their acceptance of you is conditional based on your willingness to maintain their rules.  This is the typical behavior of a narcissistic individual.  Since these kinds of organizations are typically run by a narcissistic person, or persons, it is therefore not surprising that the organization will mirror the traits of its leader(s).  The Love Bomb is the hook and lure.  This is how they bring you in, integrate you, make you dependent, and rule you completely.

EXCLUSIVE:  We are the best.  We are the only purveyors of what you need.  You cannot find this anywhere else.  This characteristic alone is not fatal, or even dangerous.  You see it EVERYWHERE!  In any other context, this is healthy behavior.  Exclusivity is good, unless it is being used to control you.  This tool can be a great way to generate cohesiveness in your group.  It can also be used to generate division.  In this context, the goal is to be divisive.  The goal is to separate you from the rest of the world, or the unbelievers.  Those heretics who just don’t understand the world the way “we” do.

LOADED LANGUAGE:  They use special language with special meaning that all members of the cult must use.  It defines their “enlightened” understanding of the world.  It is also used to signal your acceptance of the group’s values, standards, and rules – of which there are many.  Every time you use these words, you are pledging your elegance.  This language and its meanings can change at any time with little or no notice.  Keeping you vigilant also keeps you obedient.

WE vs THEM:  Special names, words or language is used to describe anyone who does not think the way they do.  They use special treatment that is particularly negative towards anyone who does not say or explicitly express their stated rules, values, or standards.  They will treat members of their group with kindness, acceptance, and tolerance, but they will treat outsiders with disdain, hateful words, and even violence.  The unbelievers deserve to have bad things happen to them.

FORBIDDEN SPEECH:  The most telling and the most important element of a cult is the act of avoiding dissidence.  If you are absolutely forbidden from expressing personal doubts or conflicting ideas, this is a sure sign that you are either in a cult, or that your social circle is quickly descending into a cult.  This is that neon sign that you needed to get out!  Every action taken prior to this was done in anticipation of this most important step.  Free thought and speech are catastrophic to the successful cultist.  Doubt is forbidden!  You are absolutely not allowed to express your doubt to anyone, even yourself.  Outward expression of doubt or conflicting ideas will be brought to other members of the group by those who you believed you could trust.  The group will then police this activity with extreme devotion and diligence.  You are not allowed to doubt!  This includes any deviation from their special language and its meaning.  This also includes the use of any “outsider” language.  All are punishable offenses.

This is where all the other elements come into play.  To prevent you from expressing any further thoughts of doubt or conflicting ideas, all the “love” that you previously experienced will be withheld.  You are then shamed, as though you are in danger of losing your “exclusive” position as a member of the group.  Furthermore, you are spoken to using the names, words, and treatment that was previously only used toward “unbelievers”.  You are treated as an outsider until you relent.  Once you express your sincere regret for having “wrong think”, all the previous steps are repeated and you are reinstated as a member of the group.

Public shaming is their most powerful weapon against your free will.  If you are seeing this used on ANYONE in your group as a means of expressing the group’s disdain for some word, deed, or expression, don’t wait around for your turn.  Get out now!  The mental conditioning has already begun!

Remember this: Not all cults are religious.  A cult can be built around anything.  It can be spiritual, political, social, economic, self-improvement, or virtually anything.

If I wanted to run a successful cult, I would not use any of the words that are generally associated with negative pictures.  Instead of “Authoritarian”, I would use guidance, or leadership.  Instead of “Love Bomb” I would use all Inclusive and say things like, “You mean more to me than most”.  Instead of “Exclusive” I would use exceptional or say, “They just don’t understand things like we do” or “We know better”.   For “We vs Them”, I’d say we are virtuous or enlightened, or more specifically we would called others unenlightened.  “They” are the intolerant, or the exclusionary, or the hateful.

A smart authoritarian is not going to make himself obvious.  A successful cult is not going to approach you with full disclosure.  If you suddenly have the feeling that you are no longer allowed to express yourself without swift punitive action, that is the time to start looking more carefully at the structure of your group.

I want to reiterate that if your group displays one or more of these characteristics, that does not mean you are in a cult.  If you are in a fraternity, you will definitely recognize many of these characteristics.  But you will also note that while every good fraternity does employ many of these characteristics, they will not deny you the right to express doubts, questions, or opposing ideas.  Even if your fraternity does not like your idea, you will not be immediately ostracized until you fall emotionally prostrate before the alter of group think.

All healthy groups know that doubt is not destructive.  Doubt is a source of strengthening through refinement and clarity.  If you are having doubts, that will inevitably lead you to questions.  Questions lead to answers.  Those answers will not always destroy your current faith or mindset.  More often than not, pursuing your doubt will lead you to a greater understanding of what you thought you already knew.  If anything, your faith will increase.  Doubt is a healthy mind pursuing a greater understanding.  A healthy organization will encourage doubts and allow their members to pursue their personal questions to their logical conclusions.  Doubts will either, refine your understanding which leads to greater faith, or change your mind.  If your doubts lead you to a divergent revelation, doesn’t that mean you are still moving forward?  Shouldn’t you be allowed to find your own way?  Even in the Christian faith, God does not hold anyone captive.  He wants you to acknowledge your doubts to improve your understanding.  Doubts in this context can lead to some of the greatest personal revelations in Christ.  Only a controlling, dishonest movement will force you to repress doubt, because doubt can reveal those destructive flaws that they are desperately trying to hide.

Your social circle can express one or more of these characteristics and still be a healthy and productive environment.  But if your current group has begun to employ the tactic of punishing all expressions of doubt or dissimilar ideas, consider that your red flag.  This will typically reveal itself as shaming before the group or in public venues.  When you see these signs, it is already past that time to start looking for new friends.  Get out now!

-Sisyphus

I wrote two articles that relate to this topic.  In “Are You Talking To Yourself” I talked about self-talk and how it can be used for your benefit or for your ruin.  In “Curing the Fandom of Anxiety” I talked about using self-talk to alleviate anxiety.  This article is a continuation of those topics.  Therefore, you should go back and read those articles, if you have not already.  You will need that knowledge before you can understand this article.

Anxiety is the fear of the unknown.  But it is also the assumption that the unknown contains something terrible.  Anxiety arises from the concept that your unknown future is more likely to be negative than positive.  You assume that the future and your environment have more potential for ill than for good.  This is only a matter of perception.  You only THINK the future is probably going to be bad.  You believe this because you also believe that the majority of your experiences are negative.  But that is only because you focus on the negative.

What is salient (most noticeable) is important.  This means whatever point, topic, or idea is directly in front of you at any given moment is perceived to be more important than anything else.  This tool is used to persuade others to accept an argument that they otherwise would not accept by presenting only the information that the presenter wants his listeners to focus on.  By controlling the details of the conversation, argument, or presentation, he can control the decisions that will be made by those he is attempting to persuade.  You have probably heard of this concept many times.  It is called “a lie of omission”.  Everything spoken was the truth.  However, some details were intentionally left out in an attempt to get you to focus on only those details that would help the liar win his point.  It has also been known as “the liar’s argument”.  This is when the one who is attempting to persuade asks you a question that can only be answered one way.  The implication is that because you are forced to agree with his point, he must therefore be correct.  He is trying to persuade you by keeping the focus on the details of his choosing.

As per usual, you can use this tool for good, rather than for some nefarious purpose.  In the context of anxiety control, you can use this principle to refocus your attention on something positive, rather than maintaining your focus on the negative.

In the Christian faith, you are often taught the phrase “Count your Blessings”.  This is a reminder to focus on the many positive things in your life.  In the context of Christianity, counting your blessings is a way of reminding yourself of the many ways that God has helped you in your life.  The purpose of this teaching is to improve your attitude, your faith, and your resolve.  And it works.

By focusing on the good things in your life, you will be placing those details in the forefront of your mind.  You will be forcing yourself to focus on how your life has gone right.  You will be rewiring your mind to see more clearly how much of your life has had positive results.  You only think that your life is more likely to go wrong because that is where you place your attention.  If you move your attention to all the examples of where your life has gone right, you will begin to see that your life has just as much potential to turn out positive.  In fact, by focusing regularly on the positive things in your life, you will begin to see that your life may actually be more likely to turn out good.

This focus can be extended to negative things as well.  Look at the bad things in your life that had good results.  Notice how even some negative result has had positive side effects in your life.  This means that even if your future holds something bad, not EVERYTHING will be bad.  Even the negative outcomes will have positive side effects.  You will be forced to admit to yourself that your life is more likely to have positive results, no matter what.  This will only help you.  Once you realize that your future holds more good than ill, you will become stronger, and more courageous.  You will take more risks and reap higher rewards.  Your life will improve.  You will be happier.

In “Curing the Fandom of Anxiety”, I illustrated how self-talk can be used to refocus your attention on the present moment.  This is how self-talk can be used to change your focus on reality.  You are not changing or redefining reality.  You are merely changing your perspective.  The more you practice this, the better you will get at it.  And the more you practice this mindset, the easier you will slip into that mentality when you need it.  You will start to think differently, even when you are not trying.  That is what you want.  You want to change the way you think.  This will improve your mood, and your life.  Eventually, reality will catch up to your attitude.  Your positive attitude and positive focus will always have a significant positive impact on your situation in life, even when things are not going your way.

-Sisyphus

You can gauge your success by the number of people who hate you for no reason.

This happens a lot, especially on social media.  You have probably noticed some popular furry being hate-mobbed by furries for anything ranging from being a Nazi to being a pedophile.  You also noticed that their “proof” has been pretty lean, yet they seem to believe it with a religious devotion.  You have also noticed that this never really happens to furries who are virtually unknown.  It is a treat reserved for the successful furries alone.

“Haters” are looking for big targets.  Knocking down unknown furries does not offer any satisfaction.  No one will see it when they are humiliated, defamed, or repudiated, because they are unknown.  The act of virtue signaling or “making a point” has no value to them unless it has a large audience.  Jesus himself despised these types.  He said, “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting.  I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get.  But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face.  Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private.  And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.”  He was talking about the virtue signalers of his day.  They would shout their disdain for others’ behaviors from the rooftops so that everyone could see how righteous they are.  They would perform their righteous deeds in front of large crowds.  God had no respect for their “virtue”.  He never wanted that.  He only ever asked that they treat others with respect and compassion.  It is a harder road, but it has true value in the eyes of God and in the eyes of men.

Big targets who are actually legitimate targets are hard to come by.  That is why the accusations are so flimsy.  If you cannot find a legitimate reason for defiling a big target, they you must fabricate that reason.  Find SOMETHING!  Then hope for a big reaction that you can capitalize on.  Use that to fuel you “outrage” until the next big opportunity to fast in public in ashes and sackcloth.

You may have also noticed that as you become more successful, some of those who once called you a friend are now jumping on the hater bandwagon.  They were happy to dog pile you along with the rest of the furry hate mob.  This is because some people cannot tolerate the idea that someone else has surpassed them.  They see life as a social hierarchy.  They have their place in that social hierarchy, and so do you.  They were happy to be your friend as long as your social status did not surpass their own.  Now you are becoming well known and that makes them feel that you are becoming more important than themselves.  By now you are having trouble understanding how anyone could be so petty.  You are right.  But this is who they are.  They equate their own value with the number of followers they have on Twitter or the number of friends they have on Facebook.  Popularity is their currency and their source of self-worth.  This is why they hate you and anyone who has more currency than they do.

Social media is the perfect petri dish for haters.  It provides them with the opportunity to as belligerent as they want to be with none of the consequences.  They will not face you, or anyone else, in real life, for fear of suffering the natural consequences.  They are cowards.  They hide behind avatars and mobs of like-minded fools who find their self-worth in the destruction of others.

When you encounter the hate mob, do not engage.  I repeat, do not engage!  This is the worst thing you can do.  Your reaction is the whole point.  Your reaction is what fuels everything that follows.  If you respond at all, your best response is humor.  Self-deprecating humor is the very best, but any humor will do.  Use memes (in a social media setting) to ridicule them, their accusation, or yourself.  The safest and easiest target is yourself.  Self-deprecating humor is bullet proof.  But you have to remember not to react to their specific chargers or accusations.  Ignore that shit.  Responding will only make it worse, because that is what they are looking for.  Do not give it to them.

And when you get haters, just remember, you only have them because of something you did RIGHT.  If you were not successful, you would not be a target worth mentioning.  Your achievements have generated haters.  Be grateful for those who hate you.  They are a sign on the road to your success.

-Sisyphus

What I am about to say is going to make you think that I am crazy (more so than usual).  But if you want to prove me wrong, you will have to try it.

When you go to a party or a fur meet, you are not sitting alone with your arms crossed, staring at the floor with a sulk on your face, because you are angry, hurt, lonely, embarrassed, socially awkward, or uncomfortable.  You are angry, hurt, lonely, embarrassed, socially awkward, or uncomfortable, because you are sitting alone with your arms crossed, staring at the floor with a sulk on your face.

Your body position and the way you carry yourself have a direct link to the way you feel.  Your body and your mind are linked.  This means that you have the ability to affect your mood, just by changing your body position.

If you are at a party, meetup, or a convention and you are in a bad or melancholy mood, you have the ability to change that.  You can completely revamp your mood just by changing your body position.  If you are sitting by yourself and staring at the floor with your arms crossed, look up and scan the room.  Find that person who looks assertive, friendly, self-confident, and in a generally positive mood.  Mimic everything that person is doing!  How do they stand?  How do they sit?  What is the expression on their face?  How do they interact with others?

Do not wait until you “feel” like doing it.  That is the problem.  You don’t feel like it, but you aren’t already doing it.  Your mind and mood are being driven by your actions.  Start doing it, then you will start feeling it.  Do not wait until you feel like it.  Do it until you feel like it!

-Sisyphus

You have the ability to create an instant bond with someone you do not even know.

What is so enticing about fraternities?  What makes us want to be a part of that “secret” society?  It is the fact that it is secret!  Just knowing that something is a secret makes you want to know it.  Secrets draw us in out of curiosity.  Every day mundane things suddenly become more exciting when they are done in secret.  Keeping them a secret makes them seem wrong.  It feels as though you are doing something forbidden.  This increases their value, as doing “forbidden” things is appealing to human nature.

Furthermore, secrets by their very nature, are not known by the majority.  Knowing the secret instantly puts you in a club.  You are part of an exclusive few.  Exclusivity is attractive because it makes us feel good.  It is not about those who are not a part of that exclusive club.  It is about YOU!  It is about knowing that you are part of the exclusive inner circle.  Being included in something that is not for everyone makes you feel special.  It makes you feel exceptional.  It makes you feel more valuable.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that feeling.  EVERYONE wants to feel this way from time to time.

Secrets also imply vulnerability.  Telling another person your secret puts you in a compromising position.  You are willfully giving that person power over yourself.  This is an act of trust.  Trust has a mirror effect.  To earn trust, you must be trustworthy.  You must do something that illustrates your ability to be trusted.  Often, this can only be accomplished by trusting someone yourself.  Trust in others builds trust in you.  Others will trust you when you trust them.  Telling someone a secret is an act of trust.  You are telling that person that you are choosing to trust them first.  They will often move hell and high water to prove to you that you were right to trust them.  No one wants to be untrustworthy.

You can use secrets to obtain their benefits for your own purposes.  You can use secrets to create instant unity and comradery among friends, or even strangers.  The secret is a tool that can be used to develop personal relationships and entire communities.  How many things can you name that are easy to use, scalable, and effective?

If you are meeting someone for the first time, and you want to make an instant connection that will last, tell them a secret.  Even if you have to concoct an arbitrary secret on the spot, it will still work.  “Do you want to know a secret?”  You will instantly grab their attention.  “Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but…”  Little moments like this will help you.

You can use secrets on a much larger scale.  Every so often, do your fur meets in secret.  Carefully organize with your people and let them know that this particular meetup is not a public thing.  It is just for them.  Tell no one!  This will have a significant effect on your group.  Everyone there knows that you share a common bond.  You are all keeping the same secret.  This also builds trust among your members as each member continues to keep the secret.  Every member has been entrusted with knowledge that they protect as a display of their responsibility to the group.  They all see that and it makes them closer.  No one wants to be the one who is untrustworthy.  This motivation builds trust, which builds respect, which builds unity.

When you get to DenFur this year, make sure you do at least one thing with at least one other person – in secret.

-Sisyphus