Becoming more confident is not a physical act. It is mental. It is even a little spiritual. You have to rewire the way you see yourself. Once you have broken out of the pack and left the gated yard, you can start to experience the world in a more satisfying way.
Change Your Environment
To change the way you think, you first need to get away from the environment that encourages group think. Bubbles of thought isolation are the kryptonite of independence and independence is the juxtaposed to confidence. Being held captive by the group means that you will depend on the group for “proper opinions” and for social sustenance. Confident people are independent people and the opposite is also true. Have the courage to strike out on your own, intellectually speaking, and you will become more confident. Do not be afraid to think for yourself!
Defy The Group
The group will also lead you to rely on the group for your definition of self-worth.
Stop basing your self-worth on the group’s opinion. Group think will always be misguided and almost impossible to derail. Your best hope for defeating group think is to escape the group. You are not the group. You are not the collective. You are an individual. With or without a group, you have intrinsic value. The group does not define you. The whole world CAN be wrong!
Individuals can also be a source of bad opinions. Other people will always have bad opinions! You cannot change that. However, you can change the weight of those opinions. You do not have to listen to or believe in bad opinions. Stop letting others define you. Do not let anyone else declare your value. People are self-centered. You cannot trust their motives.
Start seeing your value as an individual. Even if there were no one left but you, you would have intrinsic value that goes beyond what others can see. Even you cannot change this. The Christian faith is largely founded on this ancient truth. Faith in God teaches the value of an individual soul. You are your soul! The Gospel teaches that the value of an individual is equal to the value of God’s highest sacrifice. The Bible also teaches us that, even if you were the only person alive, God’s sacrifice would still be relevant, and He would still have done it. The sacrifice illustrates that the value of obtaining the mere possibility of starting a relationship with you was worth the effort. Your personal value cannot be overstated!
Ask Uncomfortable Questions
Do not be afraid to ask questions that are traditionally confined to religious circles. Ask hard questions about yourself and God. Who is God? How do you know when you have found Him? Who are you in relation to God? Why does it matter? Never just settle for an answer. Keep asking and keep looking. You have my permission to look for God. You have His permission to ask Him directly!
Do not approach religion or God with fear, but with respect and curiosity. Expect results! Also keep in mind that the study of religion is quite often the study of yourself. You will learn more about human nature and yourself than you will about anything else. The better you understand you, the more confident you will be in the world.
If you are put off by the idea of selecting anything specific, try this:
“Here is my Creed. I believe in one God, creator of the Universe. That he governs it by his Providence. That he ought to be worshiped. That the most acceptable service we render him is doing good to his other children. That the soul of Man is immortal, and will be treated with justice in another life respecting its conduct in this.” -Benjamin Franklin
Fight Small And Win Big
Look for small victories. You do not have to win a Nobel Peace Prize to benefit from the feeling that you have done something successful. You will experience that dopamine hit that comes from winning, even if the victory is very small. Small accomplishments are a great way to build a sense of personal victory. Celebrate the small stuff!
To maximize the benefits of achieving small accomplishments, do them often!
Take Risks
Take more risks. Experience failure! This feels like the opposite to going after small victories, but it is actually juxtaposed. Win small victories and go for bigger risks. Small wins will fuel your will to try more. When you fail, you will experience what DOES NOT happen. You will see that failure is not that big of a deal. You can fail and still survive. Take risks, fail, and see what happens. Do not be afraid of failure. You will not die!
Take On The Growth Mindset
From here, you must admit something important before you can go on. You must recognize that you are not the sum of your genetic parts. Asians are not better at math. They just work harder than you. A “Fixed Mindset” believes that you either have it, or you do not. A “Growth Mindset” knows that anyone can learn anything as long as they are willing to put in the effort. A good system for learning new things and the will to try will always result in learning. You must acknowledge that you are not in a fixed position. You must be willing to see that your mind is capable of becoming more. If you can admit that effort will make you better, then nothing is out of your reach.
Read More Books
Read more books. Do not read garbage. Read something that teaches you a new idea, skill, or reinforces something you already know. Learning new things on a regular basis will not only make you smarter, but it will give you the confidence that knowledgeable people have. The more you know, the less fear you will have. People who know a lot have less fear, because they understand how the world works. You will also have more confidence when you are faced with a unique situation, because you will have more ideas. Reading will feed your creative thinking in all areas of your life. Instead of being dismantled by an unknown problem, you will have the ability to overcome unique circumstances through creative problem solving. Those skills come from amassing knowledge. Go read more books!
Learn A New Skill
Learn a new skill. Learning will always reinforce that feeling of being more capable. Being skilled at anything will boost your confidence in ways that you will never get from anything else. Get good at something. Even just learning the basics of something new will give you that small hit of dopamine. Prove to yourself that you are able to learn new things. Just like reading, learning new skills will improve your ability to think. The more you know, and the more you know how to do, the better you be in a new situation.
Learn To Be Brave
Do something scary – regularly! The opposite to confidence is fear. Confront fear in every possible way. Go watch scary movies. Ride big rollercoasters. Go rock climbing. Try public speaking. Teach a class. Do extracurricular activities that involve heights. Do anything that you are afraid to do! The more you confront fear, the more comfortable you will be when you are faced with it. The more experience you have with fear, the better you will be able to handle it when it happens unexpectedly.
~Sisyphus